I entered the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration in September 2017 after finishing my sophomore year of college. Looking back, it is beautiful to see how the Lord had been calling me and preparing me for this vocation since the moment of my Baptism. I was blessed to grow up in a strong Catholic family where my mom sent us out the door every morning saying, “Be Jesus to everyone you meet today!” My parents’ nurturing love for our family and commitment to the Church helped me to mature in my faith, but entering religious life was never on my radar. Living in small-town Indiana, I never met any Sisters until I went to college at Ball State University. Our Sisters visited campus my freshman year and I was struck by their joy and trust, even in the face of trial and daily crosses. I signed up to attend a discernment retreat at our motherhouse, partly because my best friends were going and partly because I thought it would be cool to hang out with Sisters for a weekend.
In the middle of winter, I drove up to Mishawaka for the retreat. Although the town, the motherhouse, and most of the Sisters were totally new to me, I felt remarkably at home. The adoration chapel was breathtaking, and each of the Sisters was just so alive. I remember asking a Sister, “So what is the role of religious women in the Church? I know you all are about prayer and service, but you don’t have to be a Sister to do those things, so what is it?” Her reply: “Spiritual motherhood.” She went on to tell me that Sisters have a special call to love the Church and love the world with a maternal heart and to nurture the life of Christ in each person as His beloved bride. My heart was lit on fire! I felt that God might be calling me to discern this life as a sharing in Our Lady’s own spiritual motherhood. That evening, in front of Jesus in our beautiful chapel, I prayed, “Jesus, I don’t know if You are calling me here, or to religious life at all, but Lord, I desire You.”
Coming off of that retreat, I began researching different communities and bringing the question of my vocation before the Lord in prayer. I returned to Ball State for my sophomore year, and though I had everything going for me, I felt empty and unfulfilled. Looking at my life, I should have been the happiest person ever, but I was desperate for something more. That January, I attended SEEK, a conference put on by FOCUS for Catholic college students and missionaries. The speakers were inspiring and the experience was amazing, but the Lord spoke to me most clearly in the smallest moment. A friend of mine broke down to me that she had been struggling to go to confession and felt so unclean. In a silent prayer, I asked the Lord to get me out of the way and use me to say whatever she needed to hear. I don’t even remember what I said, but eventually she agreed, “Okay, I’ll go. But will you wait for me?” She went in to the confessional and in the middle of this crowded, noisy hallway, I just prayed for her. I never felt more fulfilled than in the moment. It was like the Lord was showing me, “This is what I created you for. I want you to be a spiritual mother and bring people to Me.”
At this point I was still looking into several communities, but I kept coming back to the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration. Their joy and their charism just seemed to fit. The Lord put on my heart that maybe I didn’t need to finish college before entering, which was a little frightening. I came for another visit and felt again that sense of home. The vocation director explained the application process, saying something like, “And when a young woman is ready, she asks for application papers.” I heard myself say, “Sister, I think I’m ready!” which took us both a bit by surprise. She asked me to take the rest of the day to pray about this decision, and that if the Lord was truly calling me, we would talk more in the morning. That night in the adoration chapel, I asked Jesus, “Is this Your Will? Are you really calling me to enter here, now?” As I thought about the wonderful plan He was offering me, I just couldn’t stop smiling. It felt like I was taking a giant leap into the darkness, but the Lord was right there to catch me, and had been there the whole time. God had been asking me to trust in Him in small things all along the way to prepare me to freely give Him my wholehearted “Yes!” in this moment.
I entered as a postulant in September 2017, and every day is truly a new adventure! The Lord is so good and so merciful to have called me to this community to be His Bride, to be a spiritual mother, to love my Sisters, and to perpetually adore His Presence in the Eucharist and in each person. The Lord calls me and calls each one of us Beloved (Amata), and I strive to respond to this call with my whole heart each and every day as a Sister of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration. Praised be Jesus Christ!